By Julie Spangler
The other day while hiking in a park nearby, my friends and I met a tall elderly man coming the other direction on the trail. We were all masked because we are living through the stressful and strangely isolating times of the Covid19 pandemic.
Pre-Covid, I used to always smile and say hello. I was not alone in that. A store was a marketplace of connection, sometimes even running into old friends or acquaintances I hadn’t seen in years – a village square of meeting and greeting. Now, it is a strange place of fear and not looking in order to protect each other from a dread contagion.
But on the trail, this day, this gentleman tipped his mask! Whoa! Now there is a new permutation of the old tip of the hat in greeting! As he approached, he pulled down his mask when he was an appropriate distance from us, smiled in greeting, letting us know he was friendly, and then replaced the mask to pass us safely.
I was struck by this new ‘tip of the hat’ gesture. It got me thinking about the ways new social protocols are made – evoked by the social conditions at the time. We used to shake hands to show we were not carrying a sword or weapon. We bowed to honor the sacred within the other, and perhaps to keep from touching hands and sharing germs. Gentlemen tipped their hats to show welcome and respect and perhaps interest to a lady. Now, in the time of Covid19, we wish to show kindness and connection and it is not easy behind an isolating mask. So what new social conventions do we invent, new ways to connect?
Some new conventions, I have noticed, do not support connection. We look away when we pass each other to avoid contamination, or perhaps to make another person feel more safe. Unfortunately, however motivated, this just exacerbates feelings of isolation so rampant today. Even the wearing of a mask has become contentious – a distinction between those who identify with their personal freedom and those who identify with the wellbeing of the larger community. Do you belong to the maskers or the unmaskers? If you wear a mask among unmaskers, you may feel shamed. If you are unmasked among the masked, you may feel defiant.
How do we embrace this new-to-the-US phenomenon of wearing a mask in public to prevent the spread of disease? How do we connect through the barriers that a mask creates?
It is worth noting that the human need for connection is stronger than any pandemic. It is part of our DNA to seek community with each other. More than ever, our love is needed in the air we breathe. We may forget this when there is contention and stress around us, but a tip of the mask reminds us that we are all in this together. Small gestures of kindness make a difference in how we connect. Even smiling eyes over the top of the mask is an avenue of connection. And when I meet those who are not wearing masks, safe behind my mask I can still greet them warmly through my smiling eyes. I can keep myself and my community safe and still wish the best for those who choose another road. It is on me to keep the love flowing through the air between us.
Isolation is not a natural state for humans. We seek to connect, and when the normal patterns of connection are disrupted, we make new ones. What are new ways we may offer kindness and caring to our community and our world? It is important at this time of constriction that we make an effort to reach out and stay connected, even if it is simply safely tipping the mask to reveal a smile beneath.