My grandson is the child of an interracial marriage. His mom is African American, his dad, my stepson, is white. My grandson is well loved on both sides of his family; all of his cousins, aunts and uncles care about him deeply.
But he is very aware of the impact of one side of his heritage. Recently he came to visit and work with my husband and me on a building project.. After a hot day’s work, we went to swim at our local public beach. As we walked toward the water from the parking lot, he made the comment that he thought he would be the only one with an Afro hair style. I realized that coming into a public place for him might always present the question, “Will I be the only one with dark skin?” or “How will I fit in?”
This time he wasn’t; there were other African Americans swimming and sunning along on the beach. He pointed out several hairstyles he liked or didn’t like, we swam and then went on to find ice cream to take home for dinner. It as a small event, easily passed by, but it did open up a window for me to see the world through his perspective as he now looks to extend his home in the world outside of the safety of the family circle.
Growing up he was an energetic kid, free to laugh, eager to be seen and participate, willing to try new things, a loving kid. Now coming into his teens, just like many other 15 year old boys, his thoughts center more on basketball, computer games and cars. He is still eager to learn and enthusiastic about the world.
Yet as he gets older, I realize I am afraid for him.
He has already met racism in school, as one of only a handful of black children in his town. And he told me recently of meeting the father of a new female friend. He laughed as he talked about the reluctant response he felt from the man. He recounted that he kept a polite conversation going, and shrugs now as he tells me about it. That kind of hesitant reaction is already something he knows to anticipate from adults and even from fellow students.
His father tells us about trying to find ways to support him in being successful in our American social climate. “Stay out of trouble, do well in school, be polite.” As a family we focus on his gifts for math and science, his aptitude for engineering. We applaud him for his success in basketball and the ways he shows care for his younger sister.
But how can those of us from the white side of his family really communicate what will help him be prepared for the other kinds of situations he might meet soon in the wider world, on the street driving home at night from a dance, or from a pizza date in town? We have not experienced the discrimination possible just based on the color of our skin. We might be able to help him fight some of the more serious racial biases and challenges that we've heard about from other families, but how can we heal any loss of trust or possibility in his future? Right now, most anything seems possible for him if he sets his mind to it. Outside our family circle of safety, many things can be blocked for him because he doesn't look like us.
The recent death of George Floyd and the flood of protest that has unfolded are eye-opening, exposing me to a wider view of the subtle and not so subtle acts of racist thinking. The ripples moving out from this stone that has been thrown into our community awareness are making an impact in me. I see how I have been lulled by the safety of our family circle and my distance from the other daily interactions of my grandson’s life, from the small acts that cut away at his sense of self and inclusion. I am saddened to realize how many of those he has already experienced and am respectful of his work to navigate in his world and still maintain his sense of self.
As a society we are being forced to pay attention to the inequalities resulting from the social divides in our culture. We are recognizing that racial injustices are so ingrained in our community fabric it is easy to not see them. It is easy to minimize them as individual events and just move on. But with recent events we are seeing them in their wider pattern, not as one-time unfortunate occurrences but as a cultural norm that separates and divides. It is time to pay attention. We are being asked to notice and make choices and changes. We are being invited to recognize how much a part of our lives these divisive norms have become and to take up the work of reconciliation so we can work together with humility and honesty to change them.
I connect with these protests in a new way now, both through my grandson and through my work with IS. Because of my grandson these social issues impact me in personal ways and I want to find more ways to meet them and contribute to healing our social commons. Because of my incarnational orientation to a sacred universe, I am called to stand in my fullest commitment to honor the diversity and wholeness of all life. I feel deeply that connecting my inner and outer actions are key to contributing to our collective forward unfoldment in both social and spiritual arenas.
I don’t have any easy global-scale answers to the steps that are needed, but there is much wisdom in our collective insight that can be tapped; so one thing I can do is be willing to hold that change is possible. Staying seated in the fiery hope of possibility seems the important first step for me. Knowing my grandson inspires that kind of hope for me. Seated in that hope, I also sense the encouragement of future generations, they want us to succeed.
For me now, after seating in Fiery Hope a next step is being open and committed to making room for what is emerging in these changing times. It means renewing my attention to holding my questions and my willingness to step outside of my own habits and assumptions to co-exist with discomfort. It means noticing my own choices and the soil they are rooted in and taking the steps needed to increase healthy growth. With this attention and intention I will work to nurture a garden in which possibilities can grow, possibilities for my grandson and every other child on earth. Possibilities for the future of our planet as a whole.